Crushcrushcrush
by XXSeventySevenXX
Summary: One night in the common room a certain fair haired man muses to himself about a life that could have been. Dramione one shot. Inspired by Mz. Raine's song challenge. R&R! Looking for feedback.


**Author's Note**: This fic was written as part of a songfic challenge over on the forums. Mz. Raine is hosting the competition and it's just so much fun! I was given **Crushcrushcrush** by Paramore which served as my inspiration for this Dramione piece. Read, review and tell me what you think! I hope you enjoy reading it like I felt when writing it!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own HP but I wish wish wish I did! I don't own the song by Paramore either.

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Draco Malfoy was no romantic and he was certainly, above all else, no blood traitor...until he met Hermione Granger of course.

He wasn't exactly sure what it was about Granger that drew him in.

Maybe it was the way the light danced in her dark and frizzy hair or the way that beautiful satisfied smirk of hers lit up the rest of her face.

Whatever the circumstances it couldn't be changed because the pureblood heir of the Malfoy wealth and flame could never get over the simple, dangerous, beautiful and brave Mudblood Granger.

Did he ever regret all of those slanders he threw against her? Yes. He did but he was glad that he'd pay for it in retrospect when he'd get in trouble or when she threw him that left hook.

He never meant to call her mudblood when they first crossed paths but his jealousy and arrogance got the better of him and the word just slipped. The pained look on her face as she ran away in tears was forever scorched into the memory of his heart…and this ghost wound of his ached so profoundly he couldn't stomach being around her ever since.

That is why he was so spiteful and horrible towards her. It was the guilt and remorse of his actions from that one fateful day which turned their relationship into a tailspin of animosity and hatred; a decision that he would grow to regret for the rest of his life.

If only she had ended up in Slytherin. Maybe then things would have worked out differently, hopefully for the better.

He would always play out that scenario in his head. How she'd be hounded by the others due to her blood status but she'd soon enough prove that she was a force to be reckoned with her strength, courage and skill. Malfoy would then one day approach her, pitying her loneliness, and maybe a kind word or two here or there would start off the beginning of a beautiful friendship which would soon enough bloom into something so much more than that…but it was useless tormenting himself like this with could have beens and what if scenarios.

He'd been tempted so many times before to just knick a time turner and set things straight. Maybe give his younger self a swift kick to the head to make him reconsider his actions toward her but could he? There was no guarantee that they could have been friends. Maybe his arrogance and fame seeking behavior would make him treat her like dirt, like it or not.

It was ironic really. If he hadn't caused her so much pain he definitely wouldn't have changed for the better…and how it hurt Draco to acknowledge this little fact. It was like she'd once told him…

"There's always a risk to everything, isn't there?" she had told him once over Potions. It had been one of those many few but treasured chances where Fate decided to tease him mercilessly by pairing them up together in those few classes they shared.

"What is?" he murmured lazily, his mind too distracted by studying the furrowed look on her pretty face. Malfoy always found her furrowed look very cute while she knee deep in her work. She took things too seriously, he told her once, but she only laughed teasingly pointing out that she was serious for the both of them.

Malfoy recalled how he was tempted to stroke back a lose strand from her frizzy hair but he knew better than to do that. They were civil, yes, but that didn't mean they were close. It was their seventh year in Hogwarts right after the Great War. Malfoy decided reenroll in his courses, determined to be more serious about where his life would take him now. Thankfully his parents money, love and support was enough to have him take this chance, and he was glad because it meant that he could spend time with her…

"Aconite. It's quite toxic, especially to the touch. That's why you've got to have a very…steady…_hand_," she emphasized the last bit with a grunt as she slowly pressed the beater against the juicy leaves, "Or else you can squirt this stuff all over you which would be quite fateful. Still…sometimes you just have to take a chance."

He merely watched Granger as she carefully tipped over the petridish containing the aconite into their cauldron. He could easily listen to her ramblings. They were peaceful and pleasant to his ears.

"Do you know what I find funny?" he asked her casually, earning an earnest gaze from her direction. She slowly shook her head.

"What?"

"That something as toxic as aconite can be used to make Wolfsbane and still not harm the drinker."

"Well anything, regardless of how dire and dangerous it may be, can turn for the better under the right conditions."

"Sort of like what you've done to me," was what he desperately wanted to say but he knew better. Their civility was the only thing he had of her and he didn't want to ruin something as delicate as that. Better than being enemies.

"If only you knew what you'd done to me," he recalled muttering dejectedly, but his voice fell on deaf ears as they were interrupted by the sound of a nearby cauldron exploding.

Sometimes he'd wonder what it would be like if he'd take the plunge and outright confess his absolute adoration for the girl. What would happen if he did?

Other times he'd retreat to cowardice and nurse drinks while he'd meditate on how life could have been like if she'd been sorted into Slytherin instead. This was his favorite scenario from out of them all. He would always play the same story in mind each time he thought about it.

There would be Granger, sitting on the stool like a frightened deer frightened by the eerie silence when all at once she'd squeak from fright as the Hat would scream out, "Slytherin!" and her heart mixed with both dread and trepidation she'd take a few hesitant steps towards their table, realizing that she would never fit in…until one day, maybe halfway throughout her first year, she'd be fed up with the constant abuse of her peers and remind absolutely everyone that there was a reason why the Hat chose her to be in this house. Cunning, smart, intelligent, ambitious and most of all beautiful she would clearly stand out amongst them all and no one could ever compare to her standards…with the exception of Draco Malfoy of course. They'd first start off as the closest of friends only to throw their friendship into deepers waters where they'd declare their love for each other with a kiss.

_MERLIN!_

_Why was he tormenting himself like this? Why let his mind plague his heart with such hopeless thoughts of what could have been but never can be?_

It was annoying without a doubt!

He was exhausted and drained from these false hopes but Draco Malfoy had only himself to blame for ruining his chances with Hermione Granger since that fateful day they both met. Fine. Perhaps he couldn't take all of the blame. There were plenty of other barriers that kept them apart. Their houses constant rivalry for one thing. Even after all that had happened with the war, some things just never changed. Old habits die hard. His contemplative nature was proof of that.

There were also his standards and his reputation. Being a handsome pureblood wizard from a wealthy background to boot it was hard not to have enemies. Jealousy did that to a person. Jealousy also led to the spread of false rumors about his true nature, most of which was exaggerated really.

The fact remained unchanged; Hermione and Draco could never be together. All of life seemed against them, and this sad truth was a constant and painful reminder like a sharp slap to the face…

…so why was his heart telling him an entirely different story?

Maybe his heart had good reason to…

There were times where Malfoy would catch her staring right at him as though she were trying to study him or just figure him out. There were event times where her gaze would just linger as his friends at the table would continuously point out. Not that he minded. It was just taxing, that's all. But then again the torment she put him through was well worth it if it meant he could just see her smile. She would even, it seemed, talk about anything really – even if it was the work they were currently doing – if it meant striking casual conversation.

Maybe she was just trying to be civil. Maybe there was a part of her too that felt the same way he did.

But her relationship with that toe-ragged, ignoramus, nomadic boob of a Weasel made it hard for Draco to assume that Hermione had feelings for him.

Draco loathed seeing the two of them together. It was disgusting and sick. He could never understand how someone with the social graces of a baboon could charm someone as beautiful and elegant as she was.

"They've been through so much together. That's why," was the simple explanation everyone had ever offered him whenever he'd pick fun at the two lovebirds.

It was absolute crap. He was sure of this each time he saw the two of them have a spat of some sort in their harlequin romance. Then all that certainity would be castrated and shot down when they'd instantly make up and indulged in either hugs or sweet kisses. It was disgustingly painful to watch.

Malfoy hated seeing Weasel tickle her or pull her in for a hug.

His heart would swell up with anger when Granger and Weasley would have their arguments and she'd sometimes burst into tears because she was quite fragile and delicate like that. It was those moments which often tempted him to invoke the killing curse on Weasel for causing his angel so much pain, but he always held himself back not out of cowardice but because of love. Draco knew how much Hermione loved that idiot, and it was because of his love for her that he swore to never so much as lay a finger on his filthy ginger head.

That sacrifice couldn't compare though the intense pain he felt when Granger would return the Weasel's kindly gestures and sweet touches. His entire body would lurch at the very sight of it and each time he was sure his heart would explode.

If only Hermione knew what Malfoy would give to be touched by that angel he knew he could never have, but sometimes Life could be cruel like that.

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Thanks for reading! I really have nothing against Ron & Hermione even though I'm a Dramione shipper. I was just trying to write the sort of things Draco would say about him and when we're jealous people in love we always tend to over exaggerate the flaws of a person just to feel better about ourselves.

So yeah. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this like I had fun when writing it. Thanks Mz. Raine for the challenge and to the people that leave a review, subscribe, or fave THANK YOU!


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